The Negative Creep
My personal blog

The Dark Side of Me

By Rahul Jha

So, the title of the blog suggests that I want to confess something to this world. A dark secret, a lurking desire, or maybe a sin committed in the heat of the moment. However, hate to disappoint you, there is nothing of the sort. It was just to attract your attention.

Well, now that I have your attention, read on…

For a long time now, I feel I’ve been living different personalities at different places, and with different people. Not multiple personality disorder types, but something more… Hmmm… (What’s the word?) more realistic…yeah realistic is the word.

I act as if I’m a Saint or something, when I’m with my parents. Alcohol and pornography to me are like North Indians are to Raj Thakrey. (When in reality, these things are as close to me as the Chandrayan is to the moon now) I act real nice in front of their friends and sweet talk them. (When actually, I feel most of them are hypocrites) And, so overall, my parents are rather proud of their elder son. Mission accomplished.

When I’m with my friends, I try to act real funny, catch their attention. Sometimes act real brave, not attend classes, sketch a few teachers, show off as if I’m real cool (Deepu take note, I mean not take note in the class, but take note because it’s in reference to your “cool” blog…). People even think I’m creative, and God knows why? (Being Creative head of a handful of college clubs doesn’t help matters).
So, I go around college as if I’m some supernova, who can do no wrong. Mission accomplished.

With my girlfriend, I act like an understanding person, a liberal father figure (but in the process I slip in my impositions of her, without her taking note). But I guess she still loves me, and Mission my friend, is again accomplished.

I go around friend a true friend with my brother; let him do most things he’d want to, drink with him and let him copy my pornos into his hard drive (no pun intended here, I swear). And of course, warn him against smoking. (But then, I just want him to live the life I’m living). And you have it; my brother is my best friend. And Mission is accomplished.

So, you think I’m a hypocrite and not really being what “I really am”. I thought the same about myself until I did some soul searching. I found out, I wasn’t a hypocrite, just flexible. And I think “being your true self” is the biggest clich├ęd in the planet. My true self are all these characters I play, and I’m, your life is also somewhat in coherence to mine. So, morale of the story is: I love myself (and if you identify the “you” in me, you’ll love yourself too).
 

7 comments so far.

  1. nisha November 15, 2008 at 11:59 PM
    We all know what is light in your life. Even if it takes different names or is described in different concepts, we all actually know when something is making us shine. Those are the things we thrive for all our life.And that is your real victory, and it was obtained only by consciously accepting yourself...u're the BEST
  2. stuntman mike November 16, 2008 at 11:35 AM
    i like the new look ..... your true self or not ... who cares , as long as i kno we're frnds ... and as long as we sit and ramble half drunk without complaints ... u r the true you and we love you
  3. Debayan November 16, 2008 at 3:06 PM
    not bad
  4. $hRiNk November 17, 2008 at 4:20 AM
    1. Nice blog! I say it many times, but I rarely mean it. This time guess what...
    2. I like and envy the honesty. Really, "Envy" * N : N >> infinity


    3. This is the first time I read your blog post full!
  5. Rahul Jha November 17, 2008 at 4:42 AM
    1. Thanks.
    2. I have no other words to describe the pleasure I feel.
    3. Just making up numbers.
  6. stuntman mike November 17, 2008 at 5:44 AM
    you impatient man ... how dare u call urself shrink ... shrinks are supposed to be the most patient ppl...can't even read thru the post of a Friend and ur PARTNER at pjing ... shame on ya ...
  7. $hRiNk November 17, 2008 at 5:47 AM
    :( Was just trying to match Rahul's honesty! Now you know why honesty is not always the best policy!

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