The Negative Creep
My personal blog

By Rahul Jha
6.30 am: I’m not an early riser, but I don’t sleep well at new places. So, I was awake early. Brushed my tooth in a dirty basin. Had my bath. Then I the feeling of sickness sunk in. I was away from home, on my own for the first time. Having my bath in a place, used by many others. It wasn’t unhygienic, but was something I was not fond of.
Anyways, I got ready, I was good to go. Along with 450-500 others, we were escorted by guards. We reached the place amidst tight security. This was our destiny. This is what we deserved. This is what we got for working the way we did.
We went inside. I close my eyes now; I see what I saw then.
It was the 3rd of August, 2005. First day of college.
2.30 am: I’m sitting in my room. Punching the keyboard buttons. Thinking about yesterday, and thinking about tomorrow. Oh, by the way, tomorrow, April the 13th, is our last working day of college.
So, I could start on with the awesome things I’ve experienced here, and never stop.
So, I have changed as a person. I have got better. Actually I have more than exceeded my own expectations. When I came here I was a miserable boy, who was guilty of not clearly the country’s most premiere Engineering Entrance Exam. I had forgotten how to socialize due to all the IIT tuitions I took. I was rather skeptical to talk to people. I thought I was a loser and nothing good could happen to me.
But here I am. 4 years down lane. I have surprised myself with the events that have occurred. I have made the most awesome friends in the universe. I have even met the girl of my dreams here. Ok, this is not working. Let’s do it Shrink style.
Things I’ve done:
1. Made the most awesome friends in the Universe. (Nothing beats this!)
2. Made wedding vows to the girl of my dreams. (Nothing beats this either!)
3. Fought for Equal rights of all caste, along with the Millions of other people in the world. (Nothing beats this either!)
4. Made zillions of posters, and blockbuster movies (Our newest is coming on 30th April)
5. Got 2 jobs. (2 is the maximum allowed, if I may add)
6. Got 7 pointers in all 7 semesters so far.
7. Won Thousands of bucks at Verve 2k8 and 2k9.
8. Won Thousands of bucks at Aarohan 2k9.
9. Spoke on the mike on stage on multiple occasions.
10. Performed a rap song on stage with Shreyank.
11. Acted in a drama.
12. Got into the habit of drinking.
13. Even tried weed.
14. Gave up weed.
15. Said, “I love you” when I was drunk.
16. Lied on the National Highway, drunk at 2 at night.
17. Danced in the rain with chimpu.
18. Got dumped by a girl once.
19. Had the guts to write a blog about the “dumping incident”.
20. Even earned money from the designing skills I developed here.
21. Oh, almost forget. Gave a Workshop on GIMP, the Free open source photo editing software.
22. Fell in love with the same girl, over and over again.
23. Cried my heart out once, publicly, under the influence of weed and alcohol, during our cult fest.
24. Had people say to me that I was the most creative person they have seen. Then later realize how right they were. (he he!)

There are also a bunch of things I wished I’d done, but couldn’t.
1. Score an 8 pointer.
2. Get chimpu the love of his life.
3. Throw eggs at Kunal Ganjawala.
4. Beat up a few people for being hypocrites. (Namely a few lame profs, a few post holders of the Student’s Union, oops, Gymkhana)
5. Design a whole of Déjà vu.
6. Beat up seniors for beating me up.
7. Challenge someone to wrestling match, and smash his skull with a steel chair.
8. Be the most humorous guy in the college. (Oh, you want to know who’s the most humorous. It’s Venky)
9. Stop ragging in college. Have peace n Love all around.
10. And last, but by no means the least, probably stay here a bit longer. (Not by getting a year lag, but probably by using time-space continuum and stretch time or something…)

But, there might be another opportunity to do these things, repeat the earlier ones. Maybe I’ll comeback here in next life with all my friends. So long then.
And thank you NIT Durgapur for making me a better man.
 

26 comments so far.

  1. dusht_sam April 12, 2009 at 2:56 PM
    uff.. brilliantly said.. though my story is more or less the same for the 1st day nd now its 3:30 a.m my done list will remove sm of ur achivments and will add many more crazy ones... nd nt done list..,mmm...
  2. Nitin April 12, 2009 at 3:22 PM
    very well written!!!
    thinking of the last working day can actually bring tears to eyes :)
  3. Rahul Jha April 12, 2009 at 4:13 PM
    thanks guys... thank goodness i'm drunk... or else i would howling right now...
  4. Debayan April 12, 2009 at 4:15 PM
    hmmm nice
  5. $hRiNk April 12, 2009 at 4:46 PM
    :)
    Last day is the most apt day to admit that Rahul Jha had been one of the most inspirational person I have met in my life. By "one of the most inspirational person" I mean, he has his hands dirty in shaping up more than 10% of who/what I am now!

    I won't mention the exact percentage though! :D
  6. Nabyendu April 12, 2009 at 7:24 PM
    perceived myself always as a very hard nut to crack....dnt xactly remember da last tym i cried....but blv me jua...woke up dis morng at 5...read ur post...and i cudnt hld myslf bck....dis plc hs given me so much....so many things happen every odr day..it really sux wen u r reminded...dat guys u hv hd enuf..make way 4 da odrs.....NITDGP....deres so much to say....bt still i remain silent...4 one last time.... SAYONARA
  7. stuntman mike April 12, 2009 at 9:03 PM
    ohh brilliant man ..... this peace of literature can actually win you a booker or something of that sort .... i was laughing and reflecting by turns while reading through this. been lucky enough to have known you closely ... "the most creative person i've ever come across" ... its a different feeling when i relate to the things that you have mentioned here.

    blimey ... jua's the man. we'll keep meeting right ... that's a promise.
  8. blogbyp April 12, 2009 at 9:15 PM
    my my my......its normal to be emotional about the time you spent in NITD...but as for u and many others of ur batch whom I have come across...u can proudly say.."been there, done that"....all the things u have done should cushion u from the real world atleast for sometime...then u would get used to the reality...that "nothing is permanent"...not even memories...(<---from personal experiences)
  9. Here I am... April 12, 2009 at 9:17 PM
    commendable post..usually i dont get sentu and all..but this time cant stop :(
  10. Rahul Jha April 13, 2009 at 1:26 AM
    Thanks guys! means a lot. yesterday night i was feeling very bad, so i wrote this.
    But today when i read your comments, makes me feel stronger. We'll surely keep in touch. All of u... i swear!!!
    Love u!!!
  11. kkn April 14, 2009 at 11:27 AM
    lovely..
    but did u edit the beginning since u posted it? can't recall havin read some of it the 1st time.
  12. Ronnie April 18, 2009 at 2:01 AM
    ummm...respected dada(i'm ur college juni)...i found your blog peppered with points...which...till now...i found really heartening...
    plus...one more reason why i'm writing this...a reason pretty close to my heart..it may feel monotonous....but...PLEASE READ IT FULLY....PAYE PORI TOMAR...!!!
    1.heartiest congratulations for winning at Aarohan 2k9...my team was the only 1st year team to clear the prelims of junkyard wars...but screwed up the mains...
    2.you are few of those good seniors who wanted to stop RAGGING...U SAY THAT U COULDN'T...never mind if you couldn't....it's the THOUGHT that is important...like u...even i wish i could pulverise the skulls of a few unworthy seniors...
    3.couldn't throw eggs at kunal ganjawala...."RECS E GELE CHOBI BANIYE DEBO"...is what a 2nd year senior said to me..
    4.I am humorous...but dunno why my humour is partisan to vulgarity...people think I make fun of them...but all i want...is to see the world around me...smiling..
    5.even i've got a 7 pointer in my 1st semester....and i'm not sure whether i'm ever gonna be capable of getting an 8...
    NOW....
    i did it all the same...
    "I LOVE YOU..."
    you said it when you were drunk...i said it before i went inside LG 14 for the LC auditions...
    She asked me.."ARE YOU MAD??"
    I said "YES...LOVE IS MADNESS"....other students all around..wondering what sort of brainwash they would face when their turn comes...nobody had the slightest interest in what we said to each other...that was the START...after that..we went out together....1st day...city centre...she called me..."cross ragging over...seniors going back...please come"...so i went...we sat on a concrete slab in the lonely lane which leads to The Ginger..15 mins...holding hands...
    while returning...we see a senior and his girlfriend...giggling along...SHE POINTS TO THAT SENIOR GUY...."HE WAS MY FIRST CRUSH...HE'S MY NEIGHBOUR AND ZONAL SENIOR...NOW HE'S GOT A STEADY GIRLFRIEND..."
    Fear of someone seeing us...so...from next day onwards...not city centre...someplace else....darker...lonelier..offering more privacy..
    maybe twice or thrice a week...breezy evenings...lonely roads..walking together...hand in hand...sitting at some place...chatting about silly,incongruous things...like kids let loose to play...it was nice...around 40 smses in and out everyday...sprinkled generously with gmail chats...calls..life was rocking..."miss you" messages when she's in macroeconomics class and my AUTOCAD exam's going on...and when both of us are at home...
    she never said "I LOVE YOU" to me...but "we did things people usually do after saying "yes" to each other"...we missed each other badly when we were not with each other...i emotionally attached myself to her...
    THEN IT CAME....
    After RECSTASY...she suddenly tells me that she can't continue with me...
    brutal shock.
    why the hell???
    "i can't be committed"...she says...
    but why??
    "see we'll just remain friends,okay?"
    she added "You would find someone better"...exactly as MISS "X" TOLD YOU..
    but you are the best for me!!!
    she avoids...beats around the bush...and a few days later...she says..."I CAN'T FORGET MY FIRST CRUSH...I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM..HE STAYS OPPOSITE TO MY HOUSE...I DON'T CARE IF HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND..I CAN'T FORGET HIM!!!"
    I felt...something was wrong...
    I said "But he's already committed...you can't possibly displace his girlfriend and take her place..THIS IS NO CHEMICAL REACTION!!!IT'S LIFE!!!
    And i know that you have feelings for me...i dunno why you are denying it...but it's a fact.."
    She says "i like you,but i can't forget him!!!if you don't have a problem with my soft corner for him,i can reconsider my decision."
    "Alright,no problems...I can live with that....but please don't leave me like this",I said.She never expected this sort of an answer..so she goes on..."NO,NO!!I'll feel guilty..."
    "I assure you...you need not feel guilty...when we move on..you'll gradually feel okay...TIME CAN HEAL....trust me...but if you refuse to move on..TWO LIVES WILL BE WASTED...you and me...stranded alone...separately..so,please rethink carefully.."
    She refuses to budge...."I CAN'T FORGET HIM"...girls are very adamant...I must say...
    29th April,the day our 2nd sem exams will end....she'll meet me to give her FINAL VERDICT...
    NOW,THE BIG QUESTION...
    WHY AM I TELLING THIS TO YOU???
    IT'S BECAUSE,I BEG TO YOU FOR HELP...
    PLEASE...IF POSSIBLE..PLEASE..DO SOMETHING!!!
    You'll ask,"WHY ME?"
    BECAUSE.......
    "YOU" ARE THE GUY WHOM SHE CAN'T FORGET!!!YOU ARE HER FIRST CRUSH!!!
    ....
    I think i need not take her name..you know her very well...
    AN EARNEST REQUEST..FROM A JUNIOR..MORE SO,FROM A HELPLESS LOVER...!!!
    PLEASE...!!!
  13. Rahul Jha April 18, 2009 at 3:12 PM
    I'll do it! On 29th April, 2009, she will say YES to u...
  14. $hRiNk April 18, 2009 at 3:16 PM
    Yo Rahul!
    wOOt!! :D
  15. stuntman mike April 18, 2009 at 3:31 PM
    wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


    wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!!!
  16. stuntman mike April 18, 2009 at 3:35 PM
    @ arbit guy Ronnie :

    love ain't madness .. love is well packaged emotion called LUST
  17. Ronnie April 18, 2009 at 9:16 PM
    @ stuntman mike...

    LOVE isn't LUST...atleast in my case...if i needed lust...i could easily stack up a few bucks and go have "it" at some bloody brothel!!!
    Or,maybe..buy a premium account at pornhub.com...
    To me,love is something much more...entwined with my emotions...
  18. Ronnie April 18, 2009 at 9:36 PM
    @Rahul da

    Thanks a lot!!!
    Thanks a lot!!!
    Thanks a lot!!!
    Thanks a lot!!!
    Thanks a lot!!!
    ...it's nice to hear that from you...especially when she's stopped responding to my calls and messages since Friday evening....
    And that day,I did something I never did since class 10...a timespan of more than 2 years...something I thought I had forgotten...
    I CRIED.
    perhaps being alone in my room helped...since then..all the integration,matrices and Laplace transforms are going over my head without even caring to touch it...
    But...honestly...the fear of losing her is MUCH MUCH GREATER than the fear of flunking my maths exam no Tuesday..
    She thinks that she doesn't have the "guts" to be committed...yeah...that's the exact word she used...again and again I tried to make her understand...all it needs is mutual trust and cooperation..and the rest fall in place...but..she's not listening...
    I"LL BE VERY THANKFUL TO YOU IF YOU CAN BRING HER BACK TO ME...DADA!!!
  19. nisha April 19, 2009 at 1:04 AM
    @ Mr. Ronnie i wanna meet you ... Rahul will try his best .. dnt you worry .. give your exams well. take care
  20. $hRiNk April 19, 2009 at 1:23 AM
    Hey Ronnie!

    I feel strange having to tell you this, but get her out of your mind until your exams are over!

    Don't worry, if you love is true (and so it is, from what I have figured from your blog-sized comments) you will get your girl. She can't possibly stay away from you long. :D

    Rahul and Nisha and if required I will do all in our mortal capacity you help you out. Believe in us.

    Don't flunk exams, not in 1st year. Its a bad thing. ;)

    P.S. I know whatever I said is patheticly clichéd, but that is what life is too... clichéd! :P
  21. Rahul Jha April 19, 2009 at 6:27 AM
    This page is now a Hindi movie!!!
  22. stuntman mike April 19, 2009 at 7:08 AM
    @ ronnie : lust isn't about getting a shag ..or a fuck at some brothel .. and don't you dare call a brothel "bloody" ... its a workplace of many a people.. and if you can't respect it don't insult it.

    what you perceive of love is a luxury people can live without. so don't act all hyper about it. only give people as much attention as they deserve and no more. and that you should learn from Rahulda himself had you read his posts with a little bit of insight and attention.

    i'll say this for your own good so listen hard. grow up ... get a life and get a grip ... your hardworking parents ain't spending their hardearned money so that you get to emulate devdas .. your career at this point in your life should be the be all and end all of your existence... so stop being a whiny little punk and stop talking about how you are in mad love and make sure you don't fuck up your semesters! ok ! god bless!
  23. Ronnie April 19, 2009 at 1:37 PM
    @ nisha di

    welcome request...i would be most pleased to meet you...

    @ shrink & stuntman mike

    I get your point...sorry if I acted hyper..
    I would definitely keep your advice in mind...and I promise you...I'll put in my best efforts for the exams....
    Thank you for giving me some really good advice..I'll try my level best to utilise it.
  24. dusht_sam April 19, 2009 at 2:15 PM
    oh ronnie.. ur brilliant man, ur hopeless (i mean u have hope, but u r...)ur only in ur first year nd ur crying coz a first year girl whom u love aint ready to move on from her feelings for her crush who is deeply committed... ufff....u know till today evening i belived nothing can be more lame n pathetic than puking after having half a pint of carlsberg or say shagging off by seeing pics of jaylalitha(which 1 guy has actually done.. neway..) but u ronnie have made me rethink.. dude get a life. y r u fucking ur brains over a girl who is so unrealistic.. m not sayin there is nething wrong in ur love or feelings.. but cmon man, wake up if someone cant love u or undrstand ur feelings for such depressing reasons.. then i guess u deserve better..wait for her verdict on the last day.. if she still keeps u hanging , try movin on she will realise what she has missed..
  25. Ronnie April 21, 2009 at 4:33 AM
    This comment has been removed by the author.
  26. Ronnie May 13, 2009 at 5:35 AM
    Well...after...so...many days...
    She didn't even meet me on the 29th....went away home that very day...that pretty much sums it up...I've realised dat I gotta move on in life...the miracle which could straighten things up seems unlikely to happen...

    Thanks a lot Rahul da & Nisha di...you tried for me....also...many thanks to stuntman mike,shrink and dusht sam....for giving me some really good advice...I've gradually opened up my skull to absorb it..
    I can say now...I've learnt not to brood over my sorrows to a good extent...that makes me feel much better...mentally stronger...I've moved on....if she comes back to me....well and good...if she doesn't...doesn't bother me anymore...
    ONCE AGAIN,MANY MANY THANKS TO ALL OF YOU....WISHING YOU A HAPPY FUTURE BLENDED WITH SUCCESS!!!

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